Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Disney Hunger Games: A Picture Analysis

  I don't know if you all are aware of what pinterest is, and I'm not even sure if I would recommend it-- I mean, it's a pretty good time, especially if you have a lot of time to waste (though, as obvious by my last post, I'm partial to youtube). It's basically a place to look at a ton of pictures from other websites. I could probably go into way more detail about that, but this post is not about pinterest. This post is about a picture I found on pinterest. Specifically, this one:

  It's pretty fun, right? I thought it was a clever idea. Now, I'm assuming you all like or at least know the Hunger Games and, you know, Disney movies. My one criticism for this picture: I don't know about the districts-- some of them fit, but I feel like that's kind of overly detailed for this kind of match-up, but hey, that's just my opinion. I honestly didn't even notice the districts were matched to specific movies until later, because when I first saw this picture, what my thought process immediately did was sift through them all and decide who would die in what order (does that say something about my personality?). So that's what this post is going to be. Yep, what everyone's inner child has to look forward to in this post-- me killing off your favorite Disney characters. Let's see how this goes.
  How this is going to work: So there are a couple of things-- 1.) I already thought the specific districts were too detailed, so I'm not going to do much story-telling kind of details here. I'm not going to try to figure out who the careers would be, who would be allies, who would kill who, all that nonsense. If you want to turn this into a fanfic, go for. I'm just here to kill off beloved childhood characters. 2.) I'm going by the 1st Hunger Games book rule (spoiler alert? kind of, I guess) that they get to fight in couples. Just to make it easier for me, they're going to fight as couples and, conveniently, die as couples. Again, while this whole concept is fun, really, how much detail do you really need? What I will be doing is analyzing and elaborating why I chose the characters to die in the order that they do.
  A couple warnings: 1.) As is obvious, it's my opinion. If you disagree, then cool. 2.) More importantly, I just want to clarify this because it's bound to be an issue as I start writing this: some of these movies I haven't seen since I was a little kid, and some I'm not even positive I've seen the entire movie. So that might cause some bias, the ones I remember will probably last longer, but again just go back to my first point. Why I'm really telling you this is to just apologize in advance if I say something completely inaccurate about one of these characters; perhaps you'll not be insulted by my lack of knowledge of all Disney couples.
All right, here we go:

 12.) First to Die: Cinderella and Charming. Seriously you guys. What does she do? Clean, rely on a fairy godmother, and lose shoes. She doesn't even have the guts to stand up to her step-sisters or step-mother. She doesn't have the best sense of judgement either-- I mean, really, she falls for a guy after one night, and the guy doesn't even remember what her face looks like. I just don't think she has what it takes. As for her counter part: really, do you honestly think a guy named Charming is going to make it far in the Hunger Games?

 11.) Still pretty sucky but at least not the first cannon to blow: Snow White and Prince. Let's start off with the guy this time. No better in the name, seeing as this guy has a title in place of one. But again, what does this guy do? I guess he kisses a dead girl at one point, so he has more guts than the first couple, but still, not the most useful tactic other than maybe making a Rue-in-flowers-esque stand against the system. As for Snow, besides maybe being able to call off Capital creatures with her singing to woodland creatures deal, I don't see her fighting off the actual competitors. Plus she can't even detect a poisonous apple-- those nightlock berries could present a problem.

 10.) Hanging in there but still dying pretty soon: Eric and Ariel. (This is the one Disney movie I have literally no memory of seeing. I know the jist of the whole mermaid giving up her voice to be with the dude [who might be a sailor?] or whatever, but that's just about it). Unless the arena had a huge body of water, what good would Ariel really be? I guess she could do a sneak attack or something, but on the other hand she wouldn't even be able to scream for help. And Eric? He's just the Disney guy with the bad hair. That's all I know about him. Despite my lack of knowledge of the film, I still just get the feeling that these two wouldn't last long in the battle.

 9.) Getting a little further along, then dying: Quasimodo and Esmeralda. (Again, a movie I have little memory of. I'll try my best though.) Quasimodo looks pretty tough, but in one of the few scenes I remember from this movie, he's tied down and beatened up. Pretty easily taken down. Esmeralda, now she's a gypsy, so she gets some bad ass points. They've both seen and endured hardships in life, so I think they could stomach the game pretty well. I'm just not convinced they'd survive exceptionally long.

 8.) Starting to see improvement, but not enough to make the cut: Aladdin and Jasmine. Aladdin-- he has street cred, and he can be resourceful, and pretty crafty when it comes to escaping from trouble. Disadvantage: no genie, no flying carpet, and no survival skills for a harsh environment. Jasmine is similar, with the ability to think crafty and defeat a bad guy, but again, no help and no palace.

 7.) There's some skill, just not enough: Tiana and Naveen. Tiana has a solid work ethic, and at least tries to get Naveen to be the same, so their determination will definitely benefit them. They also have had to survive in a harsh, boggy environment on their own.. They also had the guts to stand up to the evil guy, and had the stomach to live as frogs. Their disadvantage being that beyond a strong work ethic and survival skills, they have no strong fighting skills and I can't picture them winning a battle.

 6.) Half way there, but no further than that: Pocahontas and John Smith. (Who might be the only Disney guy to have a full name? Just something to mull over.) Alright, Pocahontas-- obviously has the survival skills, and she has guts, standing up for John Smith against her whole tribe. And John Smith is a good fighter. I'm guessing their disadvantage would be that they're not super crafty-- they just face things head on, and there are only so many straightforward fights you can win, especially considering the competition.

5.) Hey, there's hope yet, except not: Milo and Kida. These two are from the movie Atlantis, by the way (I know they're probably the least known ones on the list, so I thought I'd clarify). Milo's really smart, so he could come up with some crafty strategies to beating others. Plus he endured a harsh journey in the movie, so he'd have an advantage in just general survival. Kida has some sort of Atlantis powers (I think) and she seems to have a pretty good survival rate as well. Their disadvantage would probably be just sheer strength and straightforward fighting skills-- I'm not sure how well they'd do in hand-to-hand combat.

4.) Made it a long way, just not all the way: Beast and Belle. (Quick side note: I feel like Beast should have an actual name. He must, I mean at the end of the movie [spoiler alert?] when he's a human it's not like she's going to keep calling him Beast. Disney die-hards, let me know.) This selection was tricky. Obviously they made it this far because well, Beast is a beast. He fights off wolves, so why not tributes? He has the sheer strength, not to mention teeth and claws, to win. Belle is smart, probably crafty, and she has the freakin' Beast at her side. Their disadvantage is that even though he's a beast, he's been cooped up in a castle for all that time, and so not only do they lack survival skills, but he has no knowledge of actual trained fighting, so I think the top 3 could beat them out.

 3.) Top 3, but not beyond that: Tarzan and Jane. I'm not going to lie, I almost placed them as 4th. But then I considered it a bit more. Tarzan was raised by gorillas. Bad ass, fight jaguars and humans and other huge gorillas...gorillas. Tarzan was trained to fight. Not to mention he grew up in a jungle, therefore perfectly used to the arena like terrain. Jane would kick butt in survival skills too. Plus they're both fast learners-- he learned English, and based on the end of the movie (...spoiler alert?) Jane seems to pick up on jungle life pretty darn fast too. Being able to adapt could be very useful in the arena. Honestly I can't think of disadvantages-- at this point it was just that the remaining two were even better.

 2.) Runners-up, but still dead: Hercules and Meg. Okay, so Meg is a bad ass, working for then standing up to (I think...) Hades; she has guts and little fear. Plus she seems to hang out in the forest sometimes, so survival skills. And Hercules-- he's the son of a god, has super strength, a trained hero, and pretty much went to hell and back (I think.). How could he not get this far?

1.) And the winners/survivors are: Mulan and Shang. (whose name for some reason I thought was spelt with a Z. My mind is a confusing place, especially when spelling's involved.). Let's get down to business, to defeat the tributes. Hello, you guys-- it's freakin' Mulan! You must have seen this coming. Not only are they trained for battle, they have a song montage while doing it! Seriously-- Shang is a hard core Captain (General? I don't know...some title) who trains the girl who (...spoiler alert?) saves China from the Huns. And Mulan-- she's the girl who saved freakin' China. China's huge. If she can save an entire huge country, I'm pretty sure she could save herself from tributes. Overall, they have survival skills (they march through those mountains like it's no big deal), they have the guts (Mulan changes her identity to go to war.), they can take a beating (both of them are wounded in that one battle but come out of it to go on and save China like it was nothing), and they know fighting tactics both straightforward and crafty. They've got what it takes to win. I mean, let's just look at the facts: they're swift as the coursing river, have the force of a great typhoon, the strength of a raging fire, and are mysterious as the dark side of the moon. If that's not a Hunger Games champ, well then I don't know what is.

So there you have it. Let me know what you think, and if your order is different, then share. I won't debate with you or anything, but I'd be curious to see your opinion. Yep. That's about it. Hope you guys enjoyed it.